I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I wanna bring you to show and tell
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
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the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
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Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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