oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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