he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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