I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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