Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
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Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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