***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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