so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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