Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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