He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize