yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
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All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
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I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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