I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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