Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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