Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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