You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
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Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
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I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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