do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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