I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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