Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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