guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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