id be glad to
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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