She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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