i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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