We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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