the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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