At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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