I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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