Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize