I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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