Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
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