Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize