I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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