i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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