She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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