awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
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last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
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I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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