Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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