Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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