Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
two words...techno handjob
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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