he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
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Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
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Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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