i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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