nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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