He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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