I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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