So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
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