my phone needs a breathalizer
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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