Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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