You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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