my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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