dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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