In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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