I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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