remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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